You Know That You’ve Been Living In Australia Too Long When..

I’m all about equality here. If I’m going to poke fun at other countries, I’m going to poke fun at my own. Hence, this silly list of points about You Know That You’ve Been Living in Australia for Too Long When…

This follows up a satirical piece of You Know You’ve Been Living in The UK Too Long When.. which was a silly piece of how Australians might feel when they have lived in London (or other parts of the country) for an extended period of time thanks to the working holiday visa.

Well, Australia has a working holiday visa program for many countries, so I’ve decided to come up of a list for those many British, Irish, Scandinavian, and other nationalities who have decided to come to Australia to experience what the place is all about.

Anyway, here it is!

You Know You’ve Been Living in Australia Too Long When…

You end every sentence with ‘hey’ or ‘eh’!

Your relatives say ‘you sound like one of those Aussies!’

Your sense of sarcasm has developed ten fold

Vegemite starts to taste fantastic and you have it every morning on your toast

You know what a Drop Bear is, and try to trick tourists into believing the urban myth

You don’t mind driving for 10 hours to see something you like

Likewise, the term ‘just down the road’ could mean a couple of hundred kilometres away

Flying to New Zealand – another country – seems a lot more reasonable than flying to the West Australian Coast – because it actually is shorter to do that!

It’s perfectly normal to attend some Cockroach Races when to celebrate the Australia Day, the National Holiday and have a big booze up

You feel at home dressing up in fancy dress at the cricket.

It feels perfectly normal to eat the national emblems – the kangaroo and emu, and actually enjoy chowing them down!

You know that strange events like having a boat race in a dry river bed are just thin disguises for a booze up

You become eligible to become a permanent resident or citizen – and take the opportunity to apply on the very day!

You enjoy sending weird presents like Kangaroo Scrotum to all of your friends and relatives back home

You can explain what a ‘Bogan‘ is to other foreigners.

English is not your first language any more – Australian slang is

A 24 hour long plane trip to Europe all of a sudden seems ‘reasonable’

Your relatives don’t understand a single word your say when you call them

It feels good to buy a gas guzzling V8 car

You love surfing, even though you’re completely crap at it, wiping out at every opportunity

You discover that Bondi Beach actually isn’t the nicest beach in Australia

You end up marrying someone with an Australian passport or citizenship

You can understand what ‘I’m so hungry I could eat the arse end of a low flying duck’ means

You love your beer extra icy cold on a very hot day. Even English style bitter beer

Beer has become one of your preferred food groups and must be part of every meal – even breakfast sometimes!

You start to find other countries where your hard earned Australian dollars can buy you the most beer

The New Zealand accent finally becomes distinguishable from the Australian one

You’ve nibbled Nobby’s nuts

You enjoy slagging off about politicians, even if this used to land you in jail back at home

Thongs (Australian slang for flip flops) are now a mandatory part of your fashion get up

You can identify yourself with an Australian Stereotype

You would rather try to smuggle hard drugs into customs instead of food because the penalties are much more lenient

You smoke as many packets of cigarettes overseas as possible because you can’t bear paying 20 bucks for a packet in Australia

You now know that most Australians don’t wrestle crocodiles 

You don’t mind eating meat pies, even if some of them only contain around 25% real meat

Seeing weird things in the street don’t phase you anymore!

The phrase ‘it’s always 5 o’clock in the world somewhere’ is a good enough excuse to drink at any time of the day

You’d rather go shopping for clothes in the United States on a short trip there rather than blowing your money on clothes in Australia

You become bored of the sunshine and you wish for a bit of rain just so the grass can change colour from brown to green

You skin colour has become darker by a few more shades

Likewise, you don’t have to visit a tanning salon anymore

Dead looking kangaroos don’t worry you anymore

You’re not astounded that pot heads in Nimbin get off with smoking too much hooch in the main street.

Instigating funny practical jokes is just a way of life.

Going to Bali for a holiday doesn’t seem exotic anymore

You finally realise that Australian soapies like Neighbours and Home and Away are a completely unrealistic representation of Australian life

You’re no longer surprised that the high amounts of political satire don’t land more people in prison

You’ve started a Beer Cup Snake at the cricket – and have been thrown out of the ground for ‘disturbing the peace’

The laws and rules of cricket are now easy to understand

Critters that could potentially kill you like spiders and snakes don’t seem to phase you anymore

You realise that Sydney is not a true representation of Australian life and you have ventured to other states

You’ve taken sides in State of Origin Rugby League

You start adopting the best New Zealanders as Australians

You can tell which country all of the introduced animals pests have come from

Calling English people ‘Pommy bastards’ feels like a term of endearment, even if you’re a pommy yourself.. and finally.

You tend to spend more time travelling out of the country than staying in it.

More Living in Australia Stuff

There you go! If you’re from overseas and you’re now Living in Australia, feel free to add your comments below and share the laughs!

You need to learn the local lingo, or Australian Strine sometime!