Howdy random people out there in Internet Land!
In the wake of the 2016 Presidential Election, there seems to be a lot of people looking for information on how to leave the United States for somewhere else.
Want to reminisce? Find out more below:
That’s right, large swathes of the country feel like they’re trapped in their own real life version of The Apprentice!
So much in fact, that the Canadian Immigration website crashed due to the massive interest in U.S. Citizens thinking of packing up and moving somewhere else.
Maybe Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau may need to build his own wall… 🙂
Seriously, surely Donald Trump can’t be as bad as the leaders of some other countries that are so autocratic that they’re able to rename the month of January after themselves. Sure, the Don might have a rather large ego, but it can’t be THAT big…
Hey, if he can make himself a billionaire by becoming bankrupt a few times, maybe he could to the same for a whole country!
But anyway, this is just a silly post trying to captilise on this potential search engine traffic… 🙂 Shameless, I know..
However, I’ll add some potentially partially useful information to the internet, or at least, try and rustle up a few chuckles.
How To Leave The United States for Another Country – 10 Tips
1. Cover yourself in postage stamps and post yourself to the country of your choice – just like ‘Mail A Spud!’
2. Dress up as Asimo The Robot and just walk across to Canada to see if anyone notices.
3. Have plastic surgery in Rodeo Drive and create a new fake passport with your new favourite country!
4. Dress up as some crazy person at the airport for a guaranteed ride out of the country.
5. Become a contestant on The Amazing Race – but never come home by seeking asylum in the place you like the best. Plus, you won’t have to tell the taxi driver to go ‘very fast’ to the airport anymore!
6. Try and stowaway in one of Donald Trump’s private jets before he transfers to Air Force One in 2017! You’ll have no chance of doing it when he is inaugurated as President!
7. Build or buy your own Time Machine and teleport yourself to any place or time period that you can desire. Good luck to you if you can break the laws of physics!
8. Since Donald Trump seems to like Russian President Vladimir Putin a lot for some reason, palm off my list of Russian Swear Words, Slang and Expletives to his speech writers (and substitute the English translations as greetings). When he eventually visits him and delivers a speech of insults instead of compliments, you’ll be deported out of the United States forever!
9. Create a travel blog which proudly proclaims that you’ve quit your country to travel the world permanently to convince the rest of the country it’s so easy to do the same…
and finally
10. Try to smuggle yourself into Mexico FROM the United States in a car dashboard. Before El Presidente Trump builds his wall….
There you go.
You never know – some of this stupid, satirical tips might just work!
But if you try them, you didn’t hear them from me!
Hi Anthony,
Funny stuff! I like that private jet idea 😉 Trump used to park 1 of his smaller planes at a now closed airport 20 minutes down the road from me in New Jersey. Missed my window I guess 🙂 Crazy how that gal fit herself in a dashboard! Thanks for sharing 🙂
Ryan
You’ll regret it for the rest of your life… maybe..(!). Thanks for the comment!