You’ve probably had those moments where you’re travelling on the road with someone, and they start to get under your skin a bit so much you just want to ditch them and do a bit of travelling on your own.
But no matter how annoying your travel buddy (or buddies) might be, they can’t be anywhere near as bad or as dangerous than travelling with the numerous Tom Hanks characters he’s portrayed in the movies over the years.
Here’s my evidence! Check out the list of movies below that involve Tom Hanks travelling in one way or the other, and see how every thing becomes just a complete dog’s breakfast! (this is Australian Slang for ‘mess’) whenever he’s involved.
And these monumental Tom Hanks movie stuff ups have occurred on almost every mode of transport imaginable!
Let’s have a look!
Probably the most obvious example, Tom Hanks goes on a FedEx plane which crashes in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. He’s the only survivor and has to survive on coconuts, fish he has to catch with his bare hands, and try to stave off amorous liaisons from Wilson the Volleyball.
Ironically, I’ve visited the island in Fiji where Castaway was filmed, and I came back no problem at all which means I must be a much better travel companion than Tom Hanks.
So don’t hop on a plane with Tom Hanks.
Apollo 13 (1995)
This time, Tom Hanks takes his travel problems into space while acting as Commander Jim Lovell. Based on a true story, the rather unluckily numbered Apollo 13 suffers an explosion in space which prevents the astronauts from landing on the moon for a third time (*yawn* to many people by then), but having said that, it’s a great story and movie that shows that Tom Hank’s travel stuff ups knows no bounds.
So don’t go on a rocket with Tom Hanks.
Captain Phillips (2013)
Feel like going on a boat trip with Tom Hanks? Then avoid taking a cruise with him in waters infested with Somali pirates. Once again, based on a true story where a cargo ship is hijacked and all hell breaks loose.
So never take a boat ride with Tom Hanks. He really should make my list of boat jokes and funny boat names.
The Terminal (2004)
Tom Hanks is an immigrant who is stranded at JFK airport in New York and has to somehow create a living out of there from nothing. But he does this by becoming an entrepreneurial airport cart return machine ‘subcontractor’.
Imagine trying to survive only on airport food. Almost as bad as trying to survive on airline food.
So don’t hang around the airport with Tom Hanks. You’ll never leave.
Road to Perdition (2002)
A mob movie where for once, Tom Hanks is the bad guy – a member of the mob. What happens is that his son witnesses a murder in Tom Hank’s car. Since his son becomes a witness, the rest of the movie involves the mob going after Tom Hank’s son.
Yep, don’t hop into a car with Tom Hanks. It’s just not worth it!
Forrest Gump (1994)
Forrest Gump is one of my favourite movies, namely because of it’s timing. This was the first movie that I saw after being diagnosed with cancer, and I saw the irony of the line ‘life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get.’
However, Tom Hanks decides to run across the United States a couple of times for a few years, dragging a lot of ‘followers’ who think he has the secret to the meaning of life.
Unfortunately, he doesn’t and just loves running for the hell of it. Actually, there’s nothing wrong with that at all.
So don’t go jogging with Tom Hanks if you really don’t want to go walking around aimlessly for a long time.
Catch Me If You Can (2002)
This movie is about Tom Hanks chasing serial impostor/con artist Leonardo DiCaprio all around the world as he fools everyone into being someone that he’s not. When Tom Hanks finally gets his man, he tells Leonardo that his father has passed away. Yes, more bad news from Tom Hanks.
Joe Versus The Volcano (1990)
The IMDb says this about the movie – when a hypochondriac learns that he is dying, he accepts an offer to throw himself in a volcano at a tropical island, and along the way there, learns to truly live. Oh well, at least it’s just him that’s going to die this time.
So never visit a Volcano with Tom Hanks.
Polar Express (2004)
Want your train to jump the tracks? Then get Tom Hanks on board and it will de-rail itself and then sink into the ice. Okay, it’s a bit sci-fi this movie and not based on real events, but this is good enough for me!
That’s right, never board a train with Tom Hanks.
Saving Private Ryan (1998)
Everyone loves going to France for a holiday to sample the great food and wine. However, Tom Hanks only goes to Normandy for the D Day landing, and some of the most graphic movie war scenes ever created. Not a movie to see after lunch, it’s pretty brutal and confronting.
So try not to go to war (or to France) with Tom Hanks.
Yay! Tom Hanks travels to Paris and the Louvre to investigate a murder that threatens to bring down an entire religion because of some cryptic codes left in some Leonardi Da Vinci paintings.
So don’t go and see the Mona Lisa with Tom Hanks.
The true story of Captain Chesley Sullenberger, an American pilot who became a hero after landing his damaged US Airways plane on the Hudson River in order to save the flight’s passengers and crew. Remakably, no one loses their life, and that happens again in the movie.
So just like Castaway, never, ever, hop on a plane with Tom Hanks, even if he is the pilot.
You know what? This probably isn’t the end. There are going to be loads of more travel related movies that Tom Hanks is going to star in and most of them are probably going to end in disaster.
If I ever meet him one day, I just hope he doesn’t say ‘hey, want to be my travel buddy?’
I’ll be out of there quick smart if he does!