You Know You’ve Been Living In the UK Too Long When..

Many people try a stint of Living in the UK for a while to see what it’s like to work and live in another country. The United Kingdom offers a working holiday program to young people of many Commonwealth countries, which gives them some experience in a different culture, career and climate! Many Australians take on this experience to earn some money to then piss it up against a wall after drinking way too much beer and partying way too hard!

But making the transition from the bright, sunny climate to the often cold, dreary days can often be a culture shock for many who decide to take up a working holiday. And then you become a product of the environment – both the positive and not so positive aspects!

I really like the British sense of humour. It’s quite deadpan and self deprecating, and this is where Australian humour had it’s origins. There have been so many fantastic British comedy shows that have come out of what was once the world’s biggest superpower, like Monty Python, The Goodies and Little Britain. And I’ve really enjoyed visiting England and Wales, plus a little but of Scotland.

There’s also a fierce, but health sporting rivalry between Australia and England (as one small part of the UK.. ;). I really enjoy going to the cricket to listen to the funny Barmy Army songs (the English fans). You might take the piss out of each other all day at the cricket, but it’s all friendly banter and I’ve often had some great nights out after chatting to the Poms and having a great time.

I remember the chant from the Australians in the crowd when Australia first beat England in the early 2000s in soccer ”Take your jobs, root your women, drink your beer..’

Anyway, enough of my digression, here it is! My list of when you know you have been living in the UK too long!

YOU KNOW YOU’VE BEEN LIVING IN THE U.K. TOO LONG WHEN:

You’ve not only lost your T-Shirt tan, but your swimmer’s tan too!

You believe that Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday and Saturday are all good nights for drinking. Sunday is also entirely reasonable to have a pint or more

You have given up complaining about the banking services offered in the UK

You have also given up explaining why you are half an hour late to work as no-one notices or cares

You accept 10 hour delays at Heathrow airport as ‘a part of life’

Paying thousands of pounds per month in rent for a small dog box (unit or flat) seems fairly reasonable

Coming to work with a hangover is entirely accepted and indeed expected at least once a week

You can actually give directions to some of those annoying Australian tourists in Oxford Street!

You actually step over a drunk in the tube station rather than offering to help them

You whine when you can’t get a low cost airline fare under 10 pounds to the European mainland

You think that the London Underground outages are ‘not too bad’

You don’t even bother looking out of the window when you get up in the morning to check what the day is like. You know it is overcast or raining

Sunshine is considered a real novelty

You have considered wearing a badge that you can pass to people when you first meet them with answers to those all important questions they all want to know:

• “No, I am not a Kiwi, I am a Australian.
• Yes, I have been here for x number of years.
• Yes, I DO have a valid visa
• No, I don’t know Kylie Minogue
• We come to the UK because it is that’s the we thing to do.
• No, I do not know how long I will be here for.”

You consider a suit to be normal attire for the pub

You don’t mind drinking warm beer

You expect men to actually cut, comb and style their hair (using hair products). And to wear decent clothes. Jeans and a  T-shirt are no longer socially acceptable

The Scottish accent starts to become comprehendible

You dissolve in laughter when listening to the funny accent of the Aussie international telephone operator (or on TV!)

You think 40 pounds for a haircut is quite reasonable

You have stopped calling people ‘a dag’ because you are tired of having to explain it

You can’t remember what ‘customer service’ means

Your family and friends say ‘wow, you sound English!’

After a big night out you find yourself looking for a Curry house, and not a 24 hour McDonald’s

More than three hours sunlight on summer days seems excessive

You’ve forgotten your entire repertoire of Australian slang and now only speak British Slang

You don’t think twice about tipping your hairdresser

You finish every sentence with ‘Absolutely’, Cheers’ or ‘Yeah right’

You find London quite relaxing

You start feeling sorry at how badly the national sporting teams play

You start thinking English cuisine isn’t all that bad afterall, I mean, it’s hard to beat a full English breakfast

You start resembling some of the pommy ‘Lager Louts’ that you see abroad

You are on to your 6th umbrella and your second overcoat

You’ve bought (and not used) a disposable baby BBQ from the supermarket

You realise your sunburn cream is the stuff you originally bought from home with you, and its still unused. In fact, it’s probably gone off!

A day at the beach means wearing the warmest clothes you own while standing on golf ball-size pebbles, surrounded by half the population of Greater London and the thought of swimming doesn’t even enter your head

If you turn up to work with a tan, people ask which country you had a holiday in

… The answer to the above questions is probably ‘Spain‘, ‘Portugal‘ or the south of France

… You instantly have a reply of ‘you lucky bastard!’

It is perfectly reasonable to travel to an Eastern European country for a bucks (stag) party to drastically reduce your beer costs

You call the game of soccer ‘football ‘

… and you ‘support’ not barrack (or ‘root’) for your team

… and it’s not Manchester United

You don’t think twice about buying a packaged sandwich, from Marks and Spencers

A sunny lunchtime means searching for a patch of grass and stripping off practically down to your underwear – along with everyone else

You start to accept queuing as a way of life.

You actually say, ‘Sorry’, when it wasn’t you at fault.

More Living in the UK stuff

How about those currently living in the UK? What other hidden gems can you contribute? Feel free to leave a comment with yours!

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