You Know That You’ve Been Living in Italy Too Long ..

Ahhh, Italy. There are so many things about it that I absolutely love about it. I love the passionate people, the delicious food, and the crazy variety and quality of the their brilliant but cheap wine. Plus there are few odd spectacular Roman ruins which give you a pretty good insight into civilisations that have come and gone. Some people are lucky enough to be Living in Italy for a while as part of their world trip, or maybe to visit some over-zealous relatives.

But there are many things about Italy that drive me nuts! But overall, there’s something nicely chaotic about this place, even though I’m not sure how the country runs sometimes! I’ve featured a post about Italian Stereotypes recently and this post sort of follows on from that one in terms of poking a bit of fun at them.

Plus I do have Italian heritage, so I can relate to some of these things! I’m also half Sicilian, so that means if someone annoys me, in true Godfather style, you’d only see me plant a Shetland Pony’s head at the end of your bed instead of a fully grown horse… (yes, I’m taking the piss here. Please don’t take this one seriously!).

This article is part of a corny ‘You Know You’ve Been Living In [Insert Country Here]’ series which so far has included the United Kingdom, United States, Japan, Dubai and Australia.

Here we go!

You Know That You’ve Been Living In Italy Too Long When..

All government services seem amazingly efficient – even though it still takes 3 hours to post a parcel back home at the post office

Watching scantily clad women on corny games shows at time slots that are normally reserved for children back home seem normal

You prefer to communicate more with your hands than your mouth. Even if you are talking to someone over the phone

Weird postcards featuring mummified human remains seem like a perfectly reasonable memento to send home

2 hours to have lunch is way too short

The diet always starts tomorrow

You can do anything that you don’t do today, tomorrow

Your coffee is always black

You don’t mind what you now called the ‘Italian organised chaos’

You think that a small wedding involves only 500 people

You expect sugared almonds at every wedding – in multiple colours

You have a crucifix hanging from everything you own

There is no such thing as ‘too much food’

You start to wear black after every funeral for a year

Stuffed animals to advertised your business are now pretty mainstream

If you have one arm shorter than the other, you have a speech impediment

You become blase about Volcano eruptions

Lava flows seem be less severe than the last one, even though they’re not

You’ve become one of the Worst Drivers In The World

Heavy braking in your car is an essential defensive driving tactic

You drive as if there is always a woman in the back about to give birth and you must make it to the hospital in time

You attempt to break the land speed record every time you hop into your tiny Fiat

You attempt to break the land speed record every time you hop onto your 1960’s Vespa

Efficiency is defined in ‘hours late’, not ‘minutes late’

If you are male, you don’t want to move out of your parents home until you are 35

If you are female, you definitely want to have your husband hunting finished before you are 35

Watching the transition of live pig to the end product of salami in someone’s backyard seems normal now

Your three meals a day actually feel like you’ve had seven

You offer seven courses at every meal for your guests

It feels like nothing to whip up a banquet of food if unexpected visitors come knocking on your door

Pasta has become your staple diet

The term ‘bella occhi’ (beautiful eyes) is heard more often than ‘good morning’ from Italian men

You can identify yourself with at least one Italian Stereotype

Your most distant cousins now feel like your closest blood relatives

Wine is an essential part of every meal. Except, for breakfast, where you might have a dash of grappa (a rocket fuel like alcohol distilled from grapes) in your coffee

You use food as a currency and you usually make at least one trade of fruit or vegetables with someone else down the street

You make your own tomato sauce which is done in one big batch and lasts you a whole year

You can understand Italian but you still don’t know how to speak it at 1000 words per minute

But you are fluent in all of the swear words and expressions, which were taught to you by someone’s grandmother

And insulting someone’s mother now seems like the worst thing you could possibly do in your entire life and you could spend the afterlife burning in hell

You begin to plan your own herb and vegetable garden before you fly home

Storing 100 gallons of wine underneath your house will give you confidence that this should last at least one week

Your house air fresheners consist of basil, garlic and parsley

You think people who say ‘I’m not hungry’ have an eating disorder’

You punish people who are pissing you off with a wooden spoon

Shouting doesn’t seem like an aggressive form of communication with other people anymore

You keep badgering your guests with food until at the point of exhaustion, they say ‘yes’

You can totally relate to this following joke about Europe: What’s the difference between European Heaven and European Hell? European Heaven is where the food is Italian, the cars are German, the police are British, the lovers are French, and everything is organised by the Swiss. European Hell is where the food is British, the cars are French, the police are German, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organised by the Italians..

How about you? Have you spent some time Living in Italy? If so, share the joy with the world and leave a comment!

See more at Italian Swear Words, Expressions and Expletives!