Ahhh, Italy. There are so many things about it that I absolutely love about it. I love the passionate people, the delicious food, and the crazy variety and quality of the their brilliant but cheap wine. Plus there are few odd spectacular Roman ruins which give you a pretty good insight into civilisations that have come and gone. Some people are lucky enough to be Living in Italy for a while as part of their world trip, or maybe to visit some over-zealous relatives.
But there are many things about Italy that drive me nuts! But overall, there’s something nicely chaotic about this place, even though I’m not sure how the country runs sometimes! I’ve featured a post about Italian Stereotypes recently and this post sort of follows on from that one in terms of poking a bit of fun at them.
Plus I do have Italian heritage, so I can relate to some of these things! I’m also half Sicilian, so that means if someone annoys me, in true Godfather style, you’d only see me plant a Shetland Pony’s head at the end of your bed instead of a fully grown horse… (yes, I’m taking the piss here. Please don’t take this one seriously!).
This article is part of a corny ‘You Know You’ve Been Living In [Insert Country Here]’ series which so far has included the United Kingdom, United States, Japan, Dubai and Australia.
Here we go!
You Know That You’ve Been Living In Italy Too Long When..
All government services seem amazingly efficient – even though it still takes 3 hours to post a parcel back home at the post office
Watching scantily clad women on corny games shows at time slots that are normally reserved for children back home seem normal
You prefer to communicate more with your hands than your mouth. Even if you are talking to someone over the phone
Weird postcards featuring mummified human remains seem like a perfectly reasonable memento to send home
2 hours to have lunch is way too short
The diet always starts tomorrow
You can do anything that you don’t do today, tomorrow
You don’t mind what you now called the ‘Italian organised chaos’
You think that a small wedding involves only 500 people
You expect sugared almonds at every wedding – in multiple colours
You have a crucifix hanging from everything you own
There is no such thing as ‘too much food’
You start to wear black after every funeral for a year
Stuffed animals to advertised your business are now pretty mainstream
If you have one arm shorter than the other, you have a speech impediment
You become blase about Volcano eruptions
Lava flows seem be less severe than the last one, even though they’re not
You’ve become one of the Worst Drivers In The World
Heavy braking in your car is an essential defensive driving tactic
You drive as if there is always a woman in the back about to give birth and you must make it to the hospital in time
You attempt to break the land speed record every time you hop into your tiny Fiat
You attempt to break the land speed record every time you hop onto your 1960’s Vespa
Efficiency is defined in ‘hours late’, not ‘minutes late’
If you are male, you don’t want to move out of your parents home until you are 35
If you are female, you definitely want to have your husband hunting finished before you are 35
Watching the transition of live pig to the end product of salami in someone’s backyard seems normal now
Your three meals a day actually feel like you’ve had seven
You offer seven courses at every meal for your guests
It feels like nothing to whip up a banquet of food if unexpected visitors come knocking on your door
Pasta has become your staple diet
The term ‘bella occhi’ (beautiful eyes) is heard more often than ‘good morning’ from Italian men
You can identify yourself with at least one Italian Stereotype
Your most distant cousins now feel like your closest blood relatives
Wine is an essential part of every meal. Except, for breakfast, where you might have a dash of grappa (a rocket fuel like alcohol distilled from grapes) in your coffee
You use food as a currency and you usually make at least one trade of fruit or vegetables with someone else down the street
You make your own tomato sauce which is done in one big batch and lasts you a whole year
You can understand Italian but you still don’t know how to speak it at 1000 words per minute
But you are fluent in all of the swear words and expressions, which were taught to you by someone’s grandmother
And insulting someone’s mother now seems like the worst thing you could possibly do in your entire life and you could spend the afterlife burning in hell
You begin to plan your own herb and vegetable garden before you fly home
Storing 100 gallons of wine underneath your house will give you confidence that this should last at least one week
Your house air fresheners consist of basil, garlic and parsley
You think people who say ‘I’m not hungry’ have an eating disorder’
You punish people who are pissing you off with a wooden spoon
Shouting doesn’t seem like an aggressive form of communication with other people anymore
You keep badgering your guests with food until at the point of exhaustion, they say ‘yes’
You can totally relate to this following joke about Europe: What’s the difference between European Heaven and European Hell? European Heaven is where the food is Italian, the cars are German, the police are British, the lovers are French, and everything is organised by the Swiss. European Hell is where the food is British, the cars are French, the police are German, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organised by the Italians..
How about you? Have you spent some time Living in Italy? If so, share the joy with the world and leave a comment!
See more at Italian Swear Words, Expressions and Expletives!
Haha, brilliant post! Have never been to Italy so don’t have any first hand experience, but can quite imagine a lot of this to be true.
There only needs to be an element of truth.. ;P
Do you actually lived in Italy or lived enough with locals? This post ia full of stereotypes, most of them are not even true. As an Italian (so I know Italian culture better than you do) I disagreed with most of the points mentioned and after a while I got bored and I stopped reading your post. Plus, some of the Italian expressions are spelt in a wrong way. It’s just sad that you mean to share with your readers such superficial and untrue statements.
This post has elements of truth – because I’ve actually experienced most of them while living with locals (my relatives) for an extended period of time – plus the insights of others. I really enjoyed my time there as well. Each to their own!
Maybe a couple might be true… but I don’t recognise myself in all the other statements. I guess other Italians can agree with me. It’s just being superficial, and it seems like you want to share The Truth. Not at all.
Heheh I’m Italian and must say it’s fun!! As stereotypes they are a generalization not true for 100% of people, but I can recognize some of them are true for the 80% of italians 🙂
Very nice post! Hope you can have a look at my “travel guide of italy made by foreign travelers” and hope you can contribute with some tips!
Cool! I can identify with a lot of them!