You get off the plane/bus/train by yourself. You then lug your ridiculously heavy backpack and head off to the nearest/cheapest hostel or hotel that you can find.
When you get there, you most likely choose the dorm room where loads of other backpackers are staying. You start dreading the standard and boring conversation that travellers do when they start chatting to each other. You are bound to come across a myriad of travel personalities and travel types and you’re not sure how they will react to your answers.
That’s where you need my dodgy guide on How To Meet People When Travelling.
But this is not a politically correct version that keeps everyone happy. Oh no, I’ve come up with the standard conversation that all travellers go through when they first meet. But this time, I’ve included a crazy list of multiple choice answers that will always make people remember you in amongst the sea of travel faces that they have met in their life!
Bonus points for people if they engage one of their friends to record video footage of people’s reactions!
This comes from the Sacha Baron Cohen school of travel etiquette!
How To Meet People – The Socially Awkward Checklist Option!
Okay, here are the questions that typically come up with when they first meet. Choose the answer that you think will get the best reaction! Make sure you memorise them before you have your first conservation!
Here goes!
Hi, I’m [insert name here]. What’s your name?
A. Bond. James Bond.
B. Someone you’ve just met.
C. Pick someone from the world’s Top 10 most wanted list.
D. I don’t know.
Where are you from?
A. Mars
B. A Mental Asylum
C. Pick a country, any country and I’ll tell you if you’re correct.
D. I’m from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch in Wales. (Yes, there is such a place).
How long are you travelling for?
A. Until my parole period expires
B. Until I stop pleasing my sugar daddy/mamma
C. Until the family trust runs out
D. Until Interpol catches up with me.
Where are you going next?
A. Anywhere that you’re going
B. I hear Somalia is nice this time of year.
C. Guantanomo Bay.
D. To the moon.
What are you doing tonight?
A. Checking out the inside of a [insert country here] prison.
B. Snoring
C. Trying to join the 3rd level up dormitory bunk bed club.
D. Anything that you’re doing sweetie!
Where are the best places for food here?
A. I just steal everyone else’s from the communal fridge.
B. There’s a nice looking dumpster outside.
C. I don’t like foreign food. I go to McDonald’s instead.
D. Don’t eat anything, the food here will make you sick.
Where have you gone out since you’ve been here?
A: All of the swingers clubs.
B: Some place that had an S & M sign at the front.
C: Not sure, but I got this white powder from there.
D: The police station.
Anyway, it would take some serious cojones if anyone was silly enough to actually use this How To Meet People When Travelling Guide. I’m not game enough to give this a try myself.
But if you do, let me know your results and whether or not you actually survived your long round the world trip!
Brilliant!!! These are actually really good icebreakers, and if you crack them on the right kind of person, you’ve made an instant mate!!! 😀
I definitely have the balls to have a convo like this, mixes up the day!
Good luck! Hope you come back alive!
What’s great is you can make up a new story every time you walk into a hostel. But in all seriousness, the small hostels tend to be a little cozier and it’s easy to meet people if you’re not a crazy party person.
Yeah, true, good tip!
I agree with Oli Boots! These are great and if you lay them on someone with a sense of humor, their retorts could spin you both into hours of fun banter. Remember, when being facetious, timing is everything!
I love your articles, you have a great sense of humour..
Thanks!
Um, have we met before??? LOL! I swear, I’ve had a couple of conversations out on the road JUST like this!
Maybe we have met on the road somewhere… No seriously, you must have come across many crazy people if you’ve had a couple of conversations like this!
Might have to practice saying that place in Wales a few times before I try this out in a public place.
Awesome!
Well, really helpful guide for meeting people while travelling.
I love these, but after two of these responses, they probably stop asking. I went on my first solo trip last year and despite my reservations, it was awesome!
Cool!
I really wanna try the one about Somalia, will come back with a report soon LOL Ha ha ha
Cool, let me know how you go!
Haha great post!
Thanks Veronica!