The Travel Tart
Offbeat Tales From A Travel Addict

How To Find Cheap Flight Tickets. The Stupid Way.

Pretty much every self proclaimed ‘travel hacker’ or ‘travel guru’ has dribbled on some crap on how to find the cheapest flight tickets and reasons behind them. Things like spending a whole day on every airline comparison website checking out different times and dates for flights, and different booking origins just so you can save about 5 bucks!

Instead of jumping on this now annoying bandwagon and filling up Google with more useless crap that the world just doesn’t need (and replace it with some useless stuff of my own!), I’ve come up with a list of silly and improbable ways that may or may not cut thousands off your flight expenses. Most of them probably aren’t legal and are downright dangerous, so for the people who want to challenge Darwin’s Theory of Evolution, ‘Please don’t try this at home or when you’re travelling!’

How To Find Cheap Flight Tickets

 

A lot of these probably involve a very high risk of death or could be a ‘travel-limiting move’, but hey, beggars can’t be choosers if you’re looking to drastically minimise your travel costs on your round the world trip!

Anyway, here are a list of silly tips and strategies for you to find cheap flight tickets out there on your round the world trip!

How To Find Cheap Flight Tickets – probably the most stupid list ever!

  1. Jump the fence at the airport and stowaway into the landing gear well in a plane that is going to your destination. Make sure you wear something warm and an oxygen mask
  2. If you’re not feeling that brave, once you get onto the tarmac where the planes taxi towards the runway, stick your thumb out to see if you can score a free ride from one of the pilots that are rolling past you
  3. Wait until the national airline servicing the country you want to visit has a major air incident, leading to a flood of cheap seat availability. You’ll be the only one on the plane for a long haul trip!
  4. Pretend to be a pilot a.k.a. in the movie Catch Me If You Can and see if you can fly a brand new Airbus A380 around the world without ever gaining any pilot qualifications whatsoever
  5. If you’re on the other side of the world and want to get home quickly, go up to the check in counter at the nearest airport and crack a bomb joke. You’ll be deported back to your home country in no time. Unfortunately, your passport will be blacklisted from travelling ever again. Note, this option might include a free cavity search!
  6. Dress up as the cabin crew and calmly walk on board the airline of your choice and see if anyone notices!
  7. Email every marketing department of every airline in the world and say ‘I’m a travel blogger and I want a free international flight somewhere’. The law of averages dictates that someone might take you up on the offer, possibly a dodgy airline that operates ex Soviet Union planes
  8. Alternatively, if you know who the most famous travel blogger in the world is, print out a high resolution photo of them and create a cardboard cut out mask to any networking event with other travel professionals to see if you can score some free flights on a press trip that’s occurring very soon
  9. Scour the airport and probably live there like Tom Hanks did in The Terminal, and try to find an active boarding pass that someone has accidentally dropped on the floor. Then see if you can board the designated flight with this ‘stolen’ boarding pass!
  10. Turn up handcuffed with a friend and explain that your booking on the prisoner transfer program was stuffed up and you need to get to the maximum security prison pronto!
  11. Turn up to the airport with a camera crew and pretend that you’re in an episode of The Amazing Race. Haggle with the ticket seller and say ‘I need a plane ticket very fast’ to see if you can sweet talk them into a very cheap or free ticket!
  12. Dress up in a Secret Service looking suit with dark sunglasses and an ear piece before trying to board a departing flight. The flight attendants at the gate might just let you onboard because you must be looking after someone very famous or important!
  13. Roll up to the White House gates in Washington D.C. to see if you can bum a ride with the President on Air Force One because hey, you pay a tonne of taxes to the government and you indirectly own the most important plane in the world anyway.
  14. If you’re looking to up the ante and score multiple seats in first class, turn up with a massive entourage that includes make up artists and fake paparazzi. No one might know who the hell you are, but you must surely be rich and famous and important and no one will dare ask you for your boarding pass or passport
  15. Meticulously work out where and when your favourite sporting team is travelling throughout the year. Get dressed up in the team’s official travel uniform and blend in with the rest of the crowd when they play their away games!
  16. Scan and print a $100 dollar bill ten times and pay for your airline ticket with this dodgy cash at the airport and see if anyone notices that you have just delved into the counterfeiting business
  17. Go up to the ticket counter covered in flour and say ‘I’m a drug mule, if you let me on this flight I’ll take you straight to the big end of town at the other side’
  18. If you are travelling with a friend, get them to buy a rather large suitcase that you can fit in and ask them to check you in as ‘excess baggage’, which is way cheaper than paying for a seat in cattle class!
  19. Literally come up with a ‘travel hacking computer program’ which deposits all of the world’s frequent flyer points in every account into your account, which is disguised as a ‘family transfer’ You’ll have more points than you know what to do with! You might be able to even redeem them on Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic for you and all of your mates! And finally…
  20. Dress up like many of the bizarre and strange Airport People that are out there (which is like People of Wal Mart at the Airport). You’ll be guaranteed a flight to the nearest mental asylum!

There you go.

There are my stupid tips on how you can find some cheap flight tickets on your next trip so you can save a bit of coin.

How about you? Have you done something silly or absurd to save money on your flights? If so, leave a comment below and share the silly knowledge around the world!

About Anthony The Travel Tart

The Travel Tart writes about the funny, offbeat and weird aspects of world travel today. Travel wasn't meant to be taken too seriously! Check out ways to say hi below or sign up for his silly newsletter!

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5 Comments

  1. May 31, 2014    

    These are brilliant! I’m trying to get cheap (or free – hope never dies) tickets to Fiji so may start with the hiding in the wheel well idea – not a long flight and I can swim!

  2. June 5, 2014    

    Awesome post. Some brilliant tips. Thank you for sharing this with us. Searching for cheap flights are very important now a days as we all know that is the only way to cut down our expenses.

  3. July 3, 2014    

    Another great post, I really enjoyed reading the list. Your list is hilarious.

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